bangs for the summer. (:

Typical bathroom picture of the school I will be living for the next three weeks. Wheeeeeeeee

People think I have it easy, or that I am always happy since I smile so much. But they have no clue how much I been through and how much I am still struggling. I just try my best to keep my head up no matter how hard life gets. You will only get more depressed if you let yourself feel that way. Just remember to breathe  and taking it one step at a time.

I am starting to think about that more often. Although I am faced with many challenges, I try to move on and learn from my mistakes. I tend to smile through my struggles because..that is all you really can do to make things a bit better. Why purposefully make yourself sad when you know eventually you will move on? Same goes for forgiving someone. I tend to always forgive others quickly because if they once made me smile, then I know Iwill forgive them. I want to leave on good terms with everyone. Life is a total bitch even when you haven’t done anything wrong. But what can you do? You can’t control other peoples actions, but you can take what ever negativity that is given to you, and make it positive.

Oh you know just driving my zombie grandma around.

Life…it is getting so much more difficult. Having to deal with school, work, trying to be financially stable, and dealing with relationships including friends, family, and classmates..it is so overwhelming I might go insane. Figuring out what I want in life, struggling to have society to accept me, and having many responsibilities resting on my shoulders, I wish I can just drop everything and runaway. I guess in a sense I did for a period of time. A dark state of mind is somewhere I don’t want to be in again. I pitied myself and I fallen into a dark hole. I manage to get out of it with the help and support of my friends.Now…I try to take it one step at a time. If something goes wrong…I just try to keep calm…breathe…and smile on. I seem to always smile, even when I stress out and talk about my problems. I just love to smile….but not many know how much i want to scream and just get away from it all.. I just hope I don’t screw my life over . Thankfully I am going to a place of escape tomorrow. I find clubbing as my getaway. I don’t do drugs or get drunk. I’ll just have a shot or two and just have fun with my friends. Dancing with good company, letting loose, and screaming to that favorite song…. I love it. My mind is constantly on school. I seem to forget it all when I am out dancing. Til then…i’ll be sipping on my coffee and studying for my exam. (:

Always give Love and Respect, including yourself.-vietxbaby

Simplicity of a smile. 

I keep it simple (: 

I have a few people in my life that was once very important to me. They were there for me when I’m at my worse, to share secrets, have fun, and enjoy life as it should be. Of course as you move along in life, you can’t keep in touch with everyone. Unfortunately I have more than a handful of people I wished I can still talk to. If they don’t want to keep in touch for whatever reason, it’s fine, but sometimes I just wish I can talk to them for a bit, again. I let go of those who walked away, but my door is always open to them if they want to re-connect. I don’t like to leave with bad-endings and I hope everyone in my life knows that I don’t have enemies. I hold grudges, but I will always forgive.

Suffering from life…still have to smile through it all. All day studying at school. >< 

ah zoo!. <3 #tbt

Being in my fourth year in college, going to work, and volunteering is taking a toll. It especially ruined me last semester.. I just had that breaking point of no return; I was in a deep hole and had no strength to climb out of. Trying to make sure my Dad and Grandmother are happy is also added to a list every of responsibilities ever since my mom past away.. I am a few weeks into the new semester and I’m trying so hard to not be in that dark state of mind again. I can honestly say I can feel that inner monster growing once again…But no…I am trying to be positive, work hard, and hope that I can fight through the struggles with a smile and say, “Challenge accepted.”

Kissed upon my cheek. volunteer work (:

When You’re Gone (Acoustic) - Avril Lavigne

When this song was popular, she was still alive… Every time this song plays on the radio, she will sing off key but, she didn’t care. She was smiling and having fun. I admit, I sometimes forget that she is not here anymore. College, work, and volunteering kept my mind so busy that when I have time to breathe…I realize she is not here with me. I miss her so much. It hurts that I didn’t say goodbye, but she will always be in my heart. I’m scared, because my memories I have with her are fading. I try to write as much as i can remember in a journal in hopes she will still be in my mind, too…I miss you mommy. <3 051910

Smile. Its the best accessory. (: